ADHD Coaching Topics that Don't Work: Setting Expectations for Coaching
At the risk of sounding negative, Brittany and Colleen discuss topics which, by and large, often are challenging to engage with during a coaching session. Nothing is universal but it is important to note that these particular areas might mean a slower start to coaching or needing to pivot to something that is better suited to this form of support. (Don't worry, a list of more helpful coaching topics is coming, soon!)
Join Brittany and Colleen as they discuss topics that take a little more work (and session time!) to transform into a productive ADHD Coaching session. And the rare few topics that genuinely will impede progress.
It's important to note that every coach is different and has different strengths, experiences, and boundaries around types of topics they work with best or work with at all. It's not that these topics aren't allowed or are bad in some fashion. But, many coaches, from Colleen and Brittany's experience, will probably struggle to find a way to turn them into productive coaching fodder. It doesn’t mean don’t bring things up if you have these concerns, but adjust your expectations with them.
Many topics such as addiction, disordered eating, trauma, or problems with a romantic relationship are frequently redirected to, "How about we coach around how to find you an effective therapist? Or look for one together right now?” And those are excellent ADHD Coaching topics! However, those original topics themselves imply a need for emotional and mental support, knowledge, and healing that ADHD Coaching does not supply.
Another style of coaching topic, which may or may not always be obvious at the outset is what's being asked for, is "I am determined to attempt to stick with something that fundamentally undermines me in some major way" and/or "I am determined to be(come) something I fundamentally am not". Examples include trying to shoehorn oneself into the study of a topic that holds no interest or conform to a job that has many aspects that run contrary to your strengths or values. No amount of "tips and tricks" will allow a coach to support someone to change a fundamental aspect of themselves, such as lack of interest in a topic or to make their brain work a way it wasn’t designed to work.
One basic principle of the coaching Colleen and Brittany do is "you cannot coach someone who isn't there" (with the exception of supporting parents of youth and children). An adult who brings a topic of "how do I get another adult to change their behavior?" will not make much headway in that direction. Better communication of needs and boundaries is an excellent coaching topic, but it's always unknown as to whether the other person will respond and your coach can't influence that anymore than you can.
Colleen sometimes asks her clients "What is different this time?" because some coaching topics need to be revisited repeatedly in order to achieve a good end result, but she seeks understanding of how the current approach is different than previous attempts. "Garbage in, garbage out." You cannot coach around a topic where nothing has or will change and expect a new result.
While prioritization is a genuine struggle for ADHD and that topic by itself is a good one to bring to a coaching session, problems arise when the client is unwilling or unable to allow anything to be let go. If you could get everything done, it wouldn't matter what order you did it in. By definition, prioritization is cutting something out and figuring out what that is by defining what is most important.
Problems also arise if the client lacks all hope that improvement or progress can be made, in any area or topic. If we don't believe something can get better, it doesn't matter what amazing solutions anyone comes up with. We will not have the emotional resources to follow through or implement them.