Asking for Help is Scary (Why Asking for Help is Hard with ADHD part 2)
Does the thought of reaching out to get support from someone else generate some level of fear for you? You're not alone. It is actually more difficult-- and scary-- to ask for support when you have ADHD! Brittany and Colleen discuss some different examples and levels of intensity of the experience of asking for help being scary.
There are many scary things about asking for help when you have ADHD. One of the top ones is fear that the thing we are trying won't succeed in solving the problem we're having. At that point it might feel hopeless to ever solve that issue. The chances of not finding a solution to a problem are actually pretty low. This is especially true in the area of ADHD, which has quite a lot of resources and support structures, as well as a wealth of scientific research.
The first thing that we try may not work either, and we risk the rejection sensitivity experience each time, it’s true. But if we never try, the chances of nothing changing are 100%. (For more on Rejection Sensitivity and ADHD, check out this video: https://youtu.be/URJGo10KaTQ )
Other times we may be afraid that we are too “broken” (either from our ADHD or other trauma) to benefit from help. That’s a scary thought, too. And, indeed, it is possible that trauma or other therapy is needed to take full advantage of ADHD coaching or other forms of ADHD support. If that’s the case, it’s best to start on that as soon as possible, and know as early as we can.
Another thing that can contribute to fear is past bad experiences from times we have taken the plunge and asked others for help. These times are awful and can make seeking help in the future that much harder. It’s important in these instances to be specific what it was about those past experiences that contributed to the poor outcomes. Often it is a lack of understanding of ADHD (on the part of parents, teachers, or even mental health professionals). And well-meaning "advice" from folks who don't really get it can be overwhelming and unactionable. There's a huge different between "help" and "advice."
If you're unsure of good ways to ask for help, with ADHD in mind, that's a great topic to bring to an ADHD Coach, if you have one.